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A Dad's Point of View: Being a Teenager Can Be Wonder-Full It?s so easy to complain about our teens. I know I?m guilty of too often dishing out criticisms, admonishments, and lectures. I worry that my boys might be doing drugs, drinking, or some other peer-pressure stupidity. But, they also deserve my support when they do well and my understanding when they slip up.
My 16-year-old, Will, recently bounded into my office, eager to talk. Wisely, I pulled away from the hypnotic lure of my computer, and faced him squarely, ready for whatever followed. Normally, when Will comes to talk to me, I am concerned that he either wants something or is going to confess something that I wish I didn?t have to hear. This time, I listened. And I listened and I listened. I smiled, I nodded, I grunted. But, mostly I listened. He had made a remarkable discovery! What was this remarkable revelation? ?Life is complicated and full of wonder and amazing things. Where did life come from? Why do we sleep? How does our brain work? Why are there different languages and how did they evolve?? He literally rambled off these and other subjects, as if he?d just discovered the wheel!
Will didn?t want me to offer any feedback: he just wanted to share with me his marvelous realizations. I just sat there and patiently let him passionately express these extraordinary questions. After maybe 15 minutes, he didn?t need me anymore and jumped up and left to call his girlfriend and share with her what he?d just voiced.
Later, as we were all getting ready for bed, he came into our bedroom, where my wife was lying down reading, and I had just come in to get ready for bed. He leaped on our chaise lounge, fell off to the side, and scrambled up laughing at his clumsiness. He then proclaimed, ?I love this family,? and proceeded to elaborate for a couple more minutes.
My wife and I actually wondered if Will had taken some drugs, as he seemed so high. But, he hadn?t, and was apparently just being a teenager--a teen enjoying the ?wonder-full-ness? of life.
That is my point. The older we get, the more we forget the wonder of youth, the wonder of being a teenager--discovering new worlds to explore and the new ideas that we feel are just ours. (Okay, let?s hear the Star Trek theme now).
Being a teenager means discovering the world. I think adults too often squash that sense of wonder with the desire to have our kids conform. That was my discovery during the short 18 months that I home-schooled Will, since the lack of conforming public school curriculum and class management allowed Will to learn so much more than he otherwise would have under the structure of public school. It?s why I believe home-schooling is really much better for some kids and, at the time, was the very best thing I could have done for Will.
The job of parents is to introduce our children to the world, to give them exposure to as much as we can, and to allow them to choose their paths. I know that early in my parenting, I had my ideas of what I wanted for my sons that were based on my own particular interests and desires. Fortunately, I got over that selfish instinct and ended up supporting my boys? own interests and dreams. I know too many parents that are single-minded in pushing their kids in the directions these parents think is best while not taking into consideration their kids interests, skills, and desires.
This is dramatically evident in the sports arena, where kids are sometimes literally forced to participate in a sport in which they have no interest. The reason is simply the parents? ego and vicarious desire to live through their kids. It is so wrong. We also see this in the over-the-top push that parents often inflict on their kids to excel at school so that they can get into this or that college that the parents deem best for their child.
I wonder if it ever occurred to those parents that their son or daughter might actually be better off with a year off between high school and college? Or, maybe not even going to college! Not every kid should go to college. Couldn?t college wait a year or two while these high school grads explore life on their own? Maybe they can see a bit more of the world rather than just continue in what can be the cocoon of education and parental (financial) support?
I may have wanted my sons to be great skiers, or get into an Ivy League college, but now I want them to fulfill their own passions and find the same joy in what they do that I?ve been blessed to find in my writing and now, my radio show as well. I urge you to do the same!
Please listen to ?The Bruce Sallan Show - A Dad?s Point-of-View? Thursdays at 11:00 a.m. - 12:00 p.m., PST on KZSB AM1290 in Santa Barbara or on the Internet via a live stream. For that link and all information about the show and Bruce, visit his web-site: http://brucesallan.com. Bruce?s column, ?A Dad?s Point-of-View,? is available in over 75 newspapers and web-sites worldwide. Find Bruce on Facebook by joining his ?A Dad?s Point-of-View? page: http://www.facebook.com/aDadsPointOfView. You can also follow Bruce at Twitter: http://twitter.com/BruceSallan.
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View the calendar to RSVP, get more details, view member organized events, or create your own events!
Groupwide June 8th - Daddyless Dinner June 9th - Ice Cream Social June 23rd- Fire Station Tour and Lunch June 24th- Play date at Tracie?s June 26th- Spa Day
Bartow/Cherokee June 10th- Movies at Town Center Mall June 14th- Pooles Mill Park hike/play/swim June 18th ? Mom?s Night Out @ Pure Taqueria June 23rd- Sprayground at River Park
Cobb June 8th - Logan Farm Park play/walk June 11th- Soft Play at Town Center Mall June 14th- Mom?s Night Out June 22nd-Monkey Joe?s June 25th- Stevie B?s Pizza Tour June28th- Jumpits June 30th- Red Top Mtn beach/picnic
Paulding June 15th- Lunch at Stevie B?s June 17th- Puppets and Story Time June 21st- Bruster?s Ice Cream June 29th- Taylor Farm Park
May 2010 Events May is almost here.. Check out our NW Atlanta Mommies CALENDAR to see all the details and to RSVP Bartow/Cherokee May 6 ? Playdate with Amy and Lily May 11 ? Picnic and play at JJ Biello May 18 ? Daddyless Dinner at Joe?s Crab Shack May 21 ? Mom?s Morning out Coffee May 27 ? Sprinkler Play Date Cobb May 4 ? Playdate at Little Bears in Kennesaw May 11 ? Picnic and Play at Thompson Park May 14 ? Southern Prep May 14 ? Mom?s Night Out at Doc?s in Smyrna *21 and older May 17 ? Chuck E Cheese in Smyrna May 20 ? Lunch and Concert in Marietta May 21 ? Play and Picnic at Lost Mountain Park May 25 ? Play and Walk at Logan Park May 26 - Red Top Mountain ? Picnic and Play Paulding May 3 ? Nature Walk the Silver Comet Trail May 12 ? Picnic and Play at White Oak Park May 19 ? Taylor Farm Trip May 26 ? Mom?s Night Out ? Drinks and Dessert May 27 - Storytime Groupwide May 6 ? Book Club meeting at Papi?s Cuban ? Book: Sara?s Key May 10 ? Afternoon hike at Kennesaw Mountain May 11 ? Mom?s lunch out at Macaroni Grill May 18 ? Baby Playdate with Amanda and Sarah (0-18 months) May 22 ? Bakers Needed ? for NWAM Bake Sale May 24 ? Let?s go to the Movies (Shrek 3) and the Varsity for dinner May 25 ? Six Flags Support Forums May 13 ? Biggest Loser Winner announced and dinner at Sweet Tomatoes Remember it?s FREE to join!!!
I started work for an online baby clothes boutique and one of my responsibilities is to market our products online. Sounds like an easy task ? but not so at all!!!! Pictures of clothing provided by manufacturers are usually substandard or not provided. These images are the only chance our customers have to see our product line. If the image isn?t good, it doesn?t sell! Manufacturers are trying to keep down production costs, therefore selling the product to the end consumer is not their problem.
Being the problem solver that I am, I came up with the idea of using our own children to model our clothes for our online catalog. Easy, right!?!? Boy was I surprised. If you ever want to see what mass bedlam looks like, try a photo shoot with 20 outfits, 10 bows, 5 hats, one newborn, and one very active 18 month old.
Our photographer, Cat Warren, was very flexible and very talented. She didn?t try to harness the action to get that one perfect portrait-type shot. I don?t even think that would have been possible. All her shots were taken on the move and spur of the moment. I have to say, we were all a little skeptical about the end result. How can you possibly chase a toddler around a room and still get that perfect shot?
I have taken my toddler to one of those photo studios, where they put a prop in the picture, set the child down and try to make them smile. I guess those photos have their purpose, but I never felt like the personality was captured. They remind me of those portrait paintings done on commission by the rich and powerful, before the time of film. It has been said that portrait artist?s , not unlike photographers, were motivated by several things ? they either adored the subject - which came out in their paintings, paid to paint ? which shows in the obvious unattachment or emotion of the subject, or they depicted their moods with self portraits. The portraits that were commissioned were not the most famous works of the artist, the infamous paintings included their own personal influence.
In my opinion, the magic of photographs is when you capture everything ? personality, facial expressions, light in the eyes of the subject, and those little moments of unplanned fun. The talent of the photographer and her love of the subject shine through the lens, to make unforgettably beautiful pictures! When I look at a piece of art, painting, or even a picture, I want to feel the emotion of the subject and the artist.
Cat, our artist, created miracles!! Not only did she get that one perfect shot, she got tons of perfect shots. She captured the personality of each model and the clothing. We were amazed. On top of it all, she managed to capture those fun little moments behind the scenes. Those pictures were the memory makers for us the parents. I think these shots capture all of that and more. Take a look for yourself! Facebook link for In The Moment Photographs.
I am shocked, sad and not overly surprised by the incident at Sea World, the death of animal trainer Dawn Brancheau. I don?t think the situation is unique for anyone working with animals professionally or even for recreation. I have been in and around the world of animals for over 20 years. My experiences have ranged from personal pets, professional pet sitting, fostering animals in need, riding ? caring and training horses. In my experience, the relationship with the animal is what determines their behavior - good or bad.
When we decided to take animals into our lives as companions, we imposed our personalities on them. In some cases we even anthropomorphize our pets. The key word being COMPANION, many of us have replaced human relationships with animals. Is this good or bad? I am not the one to answer this question. CBS news stated the following in an interview with Brancheau?s sister ? ?Dawn Brancheau loved whales like they were her own children, her sister told The Associated Press. But the 40-year-old trainer was killed by one of the animals she loved most - Tilikum, a 12,000 pound killer whale.? I am just as guilty in my relationships with the animals in my life. Where do we draw the line in trust? When does it go too far? My frame of reference in viewing what happened at Sea World, is my experiences with horses. I see myself as having strength in reading the body language of horses. Using this strength has helped me to stay safe. Horses are wonderful animals, but they are still dangerous. Anyone who has spent time with them, understands that there is an inherent danger. These animals are trainable, but they are still driven by their natural instincts. They are a flight animal and when threatened will flee. You will never take this out of them. They can learn to respect their owners, but don?t test it. The head trainer at Sea World says it best in the LA times - He said Tilikum was probably agitated before Wednesday's attack, possibly from some kind of clash with the other killer whales. Gary Wilson, a professor at Moorpark College's exotic animal training program, said it can be difficult to detect when an animal is about to turn on its trainer. "One of the challenges working with any animal is learning to read its body language and getting a feel for what's going on in its mind," he said. How many of you have been to a horse show or watched the Olympics? Inevitably there is one or even more of the horses who will ?act up?. Is the horse bad for reacting to their instincts and causing their riders to fall off? Does a horse intentionally dump or even kill their riders? I don?t believe that any horse or animal understands the concept of killing by our definition. We view killing as an evil act with the intention of causing harm to another thing. Animal view of killing, in my opinion, is for the purposes of survival. Killing means the following in the animal world - to eat, protect, and incidental in establishing dominance.
Dreamer is one of my more reactive horses. When I tried to take her to new places, I would be able to tell immediately if she was going to be able to overcome her fears. In some instances, I have been able to see that she will not be safe. I have been called a coward many times for not forcing the issue. Am I a coward, because I choose to keep myself and my horse safe? On those days when I can see that she is confident, we have a wonderful ride.
The first thought I had when I heard about the Sea World incident is that I would bet that the trainer knew the killer whale was off that day. Sea World is in the business of making money, so they can?t cancel the show. It is a tough decision to make whether to forge ahead or cancel the event for anyone in the world of training and showing animals. You put a lot of time and money into getting the animal ready for that one day or show. Many times you get to the event and your animal is not ready. Are they feeding off of our nervousness, or are they sensing a danger we can?t detect? What do you do? I don?t fault anyone for trying to push through the fear and doing it anyway. I think in doing so you have to weigh the pros and cons. Death is always out there as a risk!!!!!!! In some of the articles I read, the trainer knew and understood the risks of working with Tilikum. The whale had a very troubled past and a history of instinct driven behavior. I found some interesting information from the LA times interview with Chuck Tompkins, the chief animal trainer at Sea World. ?We didn't ignore those incidents," Tompkins said. "We work with him very, very carefully. We did not get in the water with this animal like we do with other killer whales because we recognized his potential." I don?t believe the whale should be destroyed. As for his release, that is a difficult situation. He might not survive, because he has not had to find his own food. I don?t know if it is fair to have him sequestered either. I deal with this same decision with one of my horses. She has been deemed dangerous by many people. She can?t survive in the wild, but it isn?t fair to destroy her. Her behaviors are instinctual and based on her previous experiences with abusive humans. The decisions left up to Sea World at this time are very controversial and carry a heavy burden. I am very sorry for the family of the trainer, Dawn Brancheau. They all knew the inherent risks of death or even incapacitating injuries in her job. I don?t believe anyone ever expected her to die, it is very unfortunate. I can just imagine that she would not want anything to happen to Tilikum in response to her death though.
Shannon Henrici is a writer for My Baby Clothes Boutique where you can shop for trendy baby clothing, adorable baby swaddlers and much more.
